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May 17, 2016


It was not a crime to love you

But my heart has got an asbo

It’ll never come near you again


The rainbow buckled and bent

A crock of fool’s gold at its end

All it signifies is more rain



There was nothing I could do to change

Because the thought of me

Was like being chained

An impediment and a limit


I went out the door

And when I came back

You had relayed the floor,

You don’t want my foot prints on it


The hill we climbed

No longer there

Hollowed and mined and

No horizon beyond it


A sudden sinkhole

Outside my door

Has swallowed whole

So Much of what I wanted


Pain and rain and aches

Hardship anxiety

Mind wanders hand shakes

And Cold stings like a hornet


Feeling haggard Looking rough

Nasty taste I’ve had enough

But its stuck in my throat like a rotten bone

And the feeling just won’t just fuck off.



Silly in the kitchen

Dancing just for fun

A hug a kiss the touch of skin

I can’t believe it’s gone


Following you up stairs

For a little bit of abandon

To the otherworld of bliss

I can’t believe it’s gone


Holding hands across the park

Now you go there on your own

To your favourite blossom tree

I can’t believe it’s gone


Our little family

Those stupid made up songs

Mummy, Daddy and Thomas

I can’t believe it’s gone.


The confidence that there’ll always be

The joy of returning home

The warmth of a place that’s always warm

I can’t believe it’s gone



Just ahead of the wave
Not surfing
Just running
The dark swell
Like undulating promise
Or rising alien
chest popping horror.
Just ahead
I can feel it just behind
If I turn will it
Change to a pillar
Of black salt
Or overwhelm and fill my lungs
Something about it
Is welcoming

The slow blanket death love

Of Surrender to the depths



Summer was comfy Autumn felt ill

Winter was when it cracked

You went where the grass is greener on different pills

So Goodbye to all that


The wall has fallen the iron witch gone

The east free of the bears trap

The net allowed you to cut yourself free

And so goodbye to all that


I’m running just ahead of the black waves

If I turn, I’ll be a salt pillar all black

In the squall I see our history played out on the shore

But still goodbye to all that.



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One Comment
  1. Julie Johnston permalink

    Rob my heart goes out to you So beautiful for all the pain Bless you You will come out the other side into the sunshine Julie xxx

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